Bugged pup

Hindi ko na maalala kung kailan ako huling na-addict sa sarili ko. Hehe, nalimutan ko na yata gamitin yung Youcam para sa used-to-be one-man photobooth session ko.

Hello people, meet Notebook! (Hindi ako mahilig sa aso, talaga lang nagustuhan ko yung bug clip n’ya sa ulo.)

 Hay nako bakit ganito ang quality ng pictures dito? Panget. Haha, I would like to consider creating another blog account in a different site.

Another Damon Entry

Isn’t it funny how love-inflicted devastation (or money, or fame, or career, or lust, or whatever) can turn someone into an instant mess. For two episodes now, Damon appears in The Vampire Diaries as a drunkard-extrabadguy-who-dates-whoever-women-he-meets-in-Mystic-Grill vampire.

He’s still handsome, yeah, but he did not appear as neat as before. What I see in him? A picture of a hopelessly romantic tormented guy. Poor boy, Catherine forsaken you.

March 25, bakit ang tagal mo?

I miss Damon Salvatore.

 Btw, he’s better seen on screen.

Up up down down

How I wish I can move. Out. Out of here. Out of this house. Now. Once you are up there flying, site seeing then the next thing you’ll know, you’re crawling, rolling along the rough and sun-kissed pavement.

Araykupo.

Teh hate post

There are so many reasons why I hate this one particular person who had always triumphed in taking away all the good vibes and spirit in me.

I needed this feel good song to feel better, way way better.

05-sausalito_foxtrot-everyday

Reader

Maybe one of the main reasons why I find it hard to update this blog is that I enjoy reading other people’s blog instead of writing my own. I have always been interested with people. When I read their minds through their blogs, I do not only take time to peak on thier lives and thoughts but also with the way they deliver their message. Writing, oh yes, their writing style.

Funny, but I was never satisfied with the way I put my thoughts into words. I always have this thought that I transcribe them in such a boring manner, which, I am yet to find out. I do not have avid readers of this personal site but I do not really care. This is the same reason why I resist publishing or linking this page to my other social networking pages. As much as possible, I want only minimal readers of this page. Why? Because I wanted to make a personal journal out of this stuff. I wanted to blurt everything without any inhibitions, a tell-all page so to speak. 

Don’t get me wrong, it is not that I do not prefer sharing my life with my peers, it’s just that I want to try maintaining an online journal which no one could access (but the author of course).

Apparently, this one is not that one. :p

Wrapping 2009

Since I will surely find it hard to devote time to accomplish this, I have decided to do it little by little, step by step, month by month. I wanted to recount the things that mattered in the past year. I intended to include in this post all this cloud nine moments as well as the worsts.

Lezz start!

JANUARY 

December 28, I have acquired my newest toys. Hello Tonyo and Pinko! I think, they camejust in time for my to document every event in my 2009. Happy year ahead! Though the year starter predictions weren’t that favorable, I believe I still had a blast!

Here is the annual New Year party @ Nanay and Tatay’s

The kids hit the kitchen in place of the traditional firecrackers.

Dreams

I remember my Psychology 101 professor who dared us to write an everyday record of our dreams. Everything to be written exactly how it happened while we were at the peak of our rest. But I don’t think anyone was brave enought o do this.

Recently I have been having disturbing dreams. I would wake up with my heart throbbing, body numb and aching. And i am not going to relate here my stories of crimes, bombing, torture that happen in the subconscious while I was sleeping. Everything ends when I finally open my eyes and detach myself from all of the superficial morbidity. What disappoints me more? It is when i find it hard to distinguish what happened in my dreams from what took place in reality.

Binibining Binbin

I have been meaning to attend the 9-day Misa de Gallo thread but then again, I failed. 

Ang dali-daling masira ng mga plano ko. Bakit kaya? Plinano ko na rin na hindi mag-absent sa aking mga klase, pero bigo pa rin ako. Hanggang ngayon determinasyon pa rin tuloy ang hinahanap ko. Yung isa ko pang planong gawin, hanggang ngayon nakabitin pa rin. Kung sinusundan mo, dear reader, ang blog ko, may isang plano o dalawa na yata ako rito na hindi ko pa rin nagagawa. Ito, baka gusto mong balikan:

As for the Moment -Sinabi ko dito na ipapamigay ko na yung mga tsinelas na hindi ko na ginagamit. Ano na bang update? Nakalagay na ang mgatsinelas sa plastic pero hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin naipapamigay.

May isa pang blog na tinamad akong hanapin eh. Sabi ko, ang susunod na entry ay tatalakay kung gaano kadaming litro ng likido ang kayang dalhin ng bladder. Pero ano nangyari? Wala pa rin hanggang ngayon yung entry na yun. 

Haha. Loser. So far, yung plano ko na jogging, nagawa ko naman, kahit isang beses. Pwede ko na siguro yun ituring na redemption point.

Pokus. Pokus hokus pokus. 

I think my eyes were wandering too much, forgetting to keep sight of the goals. Kailangan ko muna magpunta sa doktor para ipaayos ang salamin at i-update na rin ang grado ko na palagay ko ay tumaas na. Pwede bang ito na lang ang ika-11 ko sa wishlist? Teka, mas bagay yata na nasa Need list ito kaysa Wish list.

Ang Past Ko

Belat. Naintriga ka ba? Oo na, misleading na ang title ng entry na ‘to.

Ngayon lang ata ako gagawa ng Christmas wish list sa buong buhay ko. Ngayon pa kung kailan ni hindi pa nga maramdaman ang Pasko. Eh ano naman diba, hindi naman dahil sa mga dumating na bagyo at kalamidad, ibig sabihin ay hindi na tayo pwede mag diwang ng Pasko. Pasko pa rin naman, siguro sa medyo kakaibang paraan lang. 

Last year medyo productive ako (o pwede rin namang dahil excited lang ako sa work, sumweldo, magshopping at magbigay ng regalo. hehe). Ngayong taon hindi ko yata yon magagawa. But who knows

1Gusto ko ng libro na good read

2Colored pens! Gusto ko ng kumpletong set ng colored markers and pens. Para sa makulay na 2010.

3Bagong laptop case ni Tonyo

4Doraemon spoon and fork

5Plain shirts

6Cardigan / Jacket

7Relo! (Urgent ‘to haha!)

8Sariling electric mixer.

9Shok shoks. Maraming shok shoks para sa buhok

10PLEASANT SURPRISE

Ang hirap din pala mag-isip ng ganito. Dahil na rin siguro ito sa hindi talaga ako mahilig mag request ng mga bagay bagay. Masarap pa rin makatanggap ng surprise nalang. Tingin ko mas risky pero may mas malaking tsansa na mas sumaya kasi wala kang anumang inaasahan.

Merry Christmas in two weeks!

E v e r y d a y or not

Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes Good vibes

BV Frdy.

What is with today that I practically felt down and gloomy? I dunno. But there’s one particular point when I felt light and happy — my five-minute walk from Star to our apartment. It was all good and cool taking steps while Jason Mraz is banging through my ears with his “There’s no stopping us”. After that, that same old unwanted feeling reverberated. 

Kkk

Disclaimer: Wala itong kinalaman sa Katipunan.

Basang Kamay Kung Krismas (season).

I am having hard time fighting the urge to sleep which was brought by the endearingly cold December weather. One of the December-related stuffs that I always look forward to is the chance to pull the sweatshirts, jackets, blazers out of our closet. I have always wanted to wear these kind of clothes. Aside from being comfortable, they are also classy. I want a new blazer this Christmas season, and it has to be in teal blue.

Teka pala. Bago pako mawala sa topic na totoo. Malamigat mainit ang panahon ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung nalilito lang din biologically ang katawanko o ano.Pero na-papasma ang kamay ko at hindi ko ito gusto. Ang hirap magsulat ng notes. Ang masama nito pati paa eh nadadamay ata.

Pero meron akong teorya. Kapag na-didivert ang atensyon ko, (katulad kanina habang kumakain ako at natutuwa sa masarap na kanin) parang nawawala ang sumpa ng Kkk. Ewan ko lang ha. Baka after all, katulad ng madalas nilang sabihin: It’s all in the mind. Dati nasubukan ko na mag-rub ng tea bag sa kamay. Napanood ko ito sa TV eh, elementary pa yata ako nun, nakakatulong daw sa pagtanggal ng pagkapasmado. Ginawa ko naman, not once, not twice, not thrice. Oo na, maraming beses na. Tingen ko naman nakatulong rin. Or not. Baka babalik lang tayo sa argumento na “It’s all in the mind.”

Pero kung talagang valid ang statement na ‘to, higit na madali siguro ang mga bagay bagay. True that?

What keeps me from posting?

I don’t post so as not to entertain the unwanted feelings and thoughts that are in me. Contrary to the principle that I have read somewhere while I was on the peak of my curious self reading random materials in the Internet which says that acknowledging your feeling is the initial step to overcome it. It’s not that I do not recognize whatever it is that I was feeling, it’s just that I am avoiding rubbing it on. Whether you believe me or not, it is one of the best things that I can do about it, since I do not want to get one hell of a big thing about *** having “creative past times”, or whenever ** does extra special gestures that my friend would usually interpret as something big. I guess it’s working. However, the fact that I have devoted some 30 minutes of my “study time” can speak for itself that tonight, I have failed to fight the urge (of not blurting about it.)

Listen to this one

Tyrone Wells - This Is Beautiful

And so at this point, I’ll quit writing. Just writing. Hehe.

You make me want to [stop and go]

Just for now I’m choosing to stop.

It has been years since the last time I felt nervous that I felt the rumbling from my chest all the way down to my stomach. If it’s bad or a good thing, I don’t know. All that I am certain as of the moment is to pause and divert.

Belat.

It is very seldom that I wish things reverted

That tonight I found what used to be hidden

As for the moment

That I feel sorry for the people living in the north
whose houses are devastated
whose jobs floated away along with the water
and mud
and trash

I wish that there are still enough clothes to give
Enough food to fill in their stomachs
Enough blanket to cover their chilling bodies
Enough funds to restore their houses

Help, please they need help.
I wish I can still rummage my closet to search for clothes to donate
I still have slippers to give
Perhaps this weekend
I will
Wash
Soap
Dry
Pack
And
Donate
Them.

I am ending an equally devastated semester. My grief may not be as bad as theirs, but I am sharing with their agony.
Nothing more. Just plain catharsis.

Ondoy (I hate you all moment)

Kahit ano yata ang hingin mo sa akin sa mga panahong ito, kung gagamitin mong dahilan si Undoy ay mahihirapan akong tumanggi.

Tulad ng nakasanayan na, (na hindi magandang gawain kaya pilit kong nilalabanan) ay nag-ra-rush na naman ako ng mga bagay na dapat matapos kanina bandang alas tres ng hapon. Abala akong nakatungo sa aking ginagawa nang biglang may sumulpot na bata sa pinto ng aming apartment at nanghihingi ng tsinelas. Pa-bida pa niyang itinaas ang paa sabay sabing “Ate, sira na ang tsinelas ko oh, baka pwede humingi ng tsinelas.” Walang pagdadalawang isip na pumunta ako sa salansan ng aking mga tsinelas at kumuha ng isang pares.

Ipagdadamot ko pa ba ang isang pares ng tsinelas na halos hindi ko rin naman nagamit? Sa higit sampung pares na nakasalansan sa lagayan, kahit yata ipamigay ko ang mga iyon ay ayos lang din sa akin. Ilang araw na rin akong nalulungkot sa tuwing makikita ko sa telebisyon ang mga marking iniwan ni Undoy sa iba’t ibang parte ng Pilipinas.

Wala na ang mga ari-ariang matagal na ipinundar, tila nilamon ng putik at tubig baha noong kasagsagan ng pag-ulan. Pagkatapos nito, paano magsisimula ang mga pamilyang nasalanta? Kung pagkain sa araw araw habang nasa mga uvacuation center ay problema na, paano pa ang kawalan ng magagamit man lamang para ibalik sa normal ang lahat.

Malaki ang problema ko sa acads pero mas higit na nangangailangan ang aking mga kababayan.

Sira ang mga kabuhayan, walang negosyo, wala lahat. Ngayon mas higit na kinakailangan ng mga tao ang suportang maibibigay ng mga pabidang mukha na lagging nakabandera sa telebisyon para ipangalandakan ang kanilang mga nagawa. Isa itiong perpektong pagkakataon upang ipakilala ang sarili. Isa ito sa mga tinatawag na make or break situation na isa sa matitibay na batayan ng taumbayan sa magiging desisyon sa nalalapit na eleksyon.

Segue tayo. Noong nakaraang lingo ay nakatakda kaming magbigay ng teambuilding seminar sa samahang ng mga mandaragat sa Paete. Ngunit dahil sa bagyo ay hindi ito natuloy.  Ayon sa aming guro, malamang ay hindi na rin maging epektibo ang team building lalo pa’t may mga sariling problema na iniisip ang bawat mandaragat na malubhang naapektuhan ni Undoy. Sa halip na team building at isang outreach program na lamang ang aming inihahanda. Higit sa ano pa mang requirements na kadikit ng gagawin naming ito, mas nangingibabaw ang aking kagustuhan na tumulong. Sa dami ng dumaang bagyo at sakuna, ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang ganitong klase ng kagustuhan na tumulong. At natutuwa ako dahil mayroon akong pagkakataon na isagawa ito. May kung anong hindi ko maunawaan, pero ang point, basta gusto ko tumulong.

Una ko ng nilapitan si Mayor, pero malamang ay may mga projects na rin siyang inoorganisa kaya malabo na rin na makapagbigay pa sila. Sinubukan ko ring kumatok kay Cong. San Luis. Sa ngayon ay wala pang pinal na sagot pero hindi nauubos ang pag-asa ko na makapagbibigay sila (sa kabila ng dahilan nila na nakapagbigay na raw sila sa aming munisipalidad at wala daw silang stock ng goods sa kasalukuyan).

Nakakataba ng puso ang mga kaibigan naming hindi nagdalawang isip na mangalap ng mga donations na ipamimigay namin sa darating na Linggo. Gagayahin ko ang litanya ni Ma’am Pam: My heart swells with joy. Ipinapaabot ko ang aming pasasalamat sa mga nagbigay ng tulong.

Sana ay makaipon pa kami ng maraming donation.

Tawag o text lang kayo sa akin para sa anumang donasyon.

09154388727

Pwede rin namang e-mail: txi_villanueva@yahoo.com

The weeks that were

I was on a hiatus for the past n weeks. Why? Because things just went out of hand and I was being bombarded with so many negative feelings/emotions that I find hard to digest. Maybe, it was like, too much of a thing leaves you with nothing. Haha. What did i just say? Whatever.

Digression: I’ll hang up here. Till then.